Come...

I shared this elsewhere, as I do a lot of my personal writing. But I keep feeling like it needs to be shared here as well. If you are reading my blog, you probably know my story. I am pretty open and honest about the fact that I am still in the process of growing and changing, working to become more like the woman God created me to be. 

It's all a process. Everyone has room for improvement. Everyone is on their own journey. I just happen to be more open than most when it comes to sharing my journey to become that woman...

God made me a pretty smart girl.

I have some good ideas from time to time.

If a good idea in a willing servant is God-inspired,

there is very little that can keep it from becoming reality.

As much as I try to be a willing servant

so many "good ideas" have fallen apart for me 

when I tried to take action on them.

Even the ones that I thought would bring Him

the glory He wants and so richly deserves. 

Don't You see that I am trying to do something amazing here?

When people see it, they will give You the glory!

This will prove to so many that it only takes

faith to move mountains. 

Then it doesn't work out, and I am heartbroken.
Tired, depressed, angry, irritated, and unmotivated.
Pray? Why bother? (As if I'm punishing Him.)
Read? I don't feel like it. (As if somehow He will cave to my sulking.)

I'm reading a book, The Extravagant Fool by Kevin Adams. Here is an incident he related in this book between him and his daughter that floored me, probably much like it did Kevin when it happened...

At age four she came bouncing from the bathroom, dripping wet with tears in her eyes, to ask, “Daddy, didn't you say that anything is possible with God if you just believe hard enough?”

“Sure, sweet girl. Absolutely.”

“Well, Daddy . . . I’ve just come from the bathtub, and it was filled up to the top.”

“Uh-huh.” I suddenly imagined myself backhanding the floating chairs, toilet seats, and toothbrushes half submerged in Bathroom Lake.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” I’m now reluctantly reaching for the bathroom door, with her close behind me.

“Well, um . . . I’ve been trying and trying to walk on the water the whole time, and I just can’t do it. I’m really sorry, Daddy. I believed I could do it with God’s help, but I can’t — and I’m really sorry.”

With profound silence, I looked at her curious little face and hoped for a routine word ...

... But all I had to offer this time was a hug — one I couldn’t let go of without a little extra help from above.

Help me, Father. Just one thought that gently brought the next one:

Anything is possible with Me, but not everything is useful to Me. Peter only walked after I said, “Come.” 

“Sweet girl,” I said on the heels of that thought, “it is possible for you to walk on water, but only if it’s something God wants you to do. Did He tell you to walk on the water?”

“No, Daddy, He didn’t. I just wanted to.”

Before I could finish that brilliant thought, though, she was on to the next subject.

It doesn't matter if I have the best intentions or the worst intentions. It doesn't matter if my end goal is selfish or if I want it to work for His glory. If it isn't His will, I will ultimately fail.

I can tell God I want to make a relationship work, I want to write a book,

I want to grow my company into something huge in His name,

I want to bring people to Him with the story He's given me

I want to teach teen moms their self worth and help them

break free from the negative patterns in their lives,

I want to walk on water.

The reason why doesn't matter.

Whether trying to bring glory to my name or His.

None of what "I want" means anything...

If I don't first listen for Him to say "Come..."

And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

~Matthew 14:29